Bodies don't come with instruction manuals. No one explains how to handle "issues." Things just come up. Quite literally. Between the wax in your ears that you're not supposed to use Q-tips on, and the occasional "rising" that comes up in all sorts of places, how's a non-M.D. supposed to know what to do? Recurrent styes, blisters, calcium deposits, acne, boils, perianal cysts, ganglion cysts, polycystic ovary syndrome.....dang but stuff comes out of you every which way! Sometimes it doesn't and that's a problem too. I asked a surgeon once about calcium deposits and he just said, "Some people are just lucky. You're one of them." Oh joy. You're not supposed to talk about these things. No one talks about these "personal" issues. Your doctor thinks you're nuts if you ask about "insignificant" things like a rising. But, they're not sitting on the dang thing. Do guys get these things? Who knows? No one talks about it. I want an owner-operator manual. Just like you find the nice little picture that shows you how to get the jack out of that impossibly small space in the trunk, I want to have an instruction manual on how to play doctor to myself when weird crud happens.
Tonight the cat better sleep through the night.
A week from today I get my very own condominium. I can hardly wait. I long to have this space and warmth and air conditioning, and enough room to turn around in.
I have a demanding week that will wring me out, but I have a weekend away from the pressures of life to look forward to.
Do evil people know they are evil? Is there really a concept such as evil? If there is evil, does that limit someone's spirit from ascending to the next plane? If not, where do they go or not go? Does God have a book somewhere like Santa, where "he" writes down who's naughty and nice? What happens to the naughty? Especially the naughty that think they're really nice? What happens to people after they die? Is there something else that goes on? Is there a spirit that endures through death? What happens if it doesn't go anywhere? Can someone really haunt a person? If someone haunts someone in this life, will they then have the capacity to do so in their next plane of existence? Can an offender in this life, go on to offend our sensibilities once they've "passed over"? Can abuse continue after death? Or is there true finality? It's not enough that I feel paranoid about real, live people, I also am developing a paranoia about the dead. What will happen with my offender dies? Will all of her be dead? Or is there a residue that remains? It practically makes me want to look into Voodoo or some sort of "protection" against the spirits. Almost. Not yet, but I sure wish I could find some answers to those thoughts that could comfort me and clear up the questions. Just like the fact that there is no "owners manual" of the body, there's no real "guide to dealing with the psychic energy of the dead." At least none that I know of, or would give any credibility. Maybe I'm just paranoid and I'll worry about everything no matter what. But, I'd really like to have some peace with this. I think I'll get it when I come out the crematory door in 7-8 pounds of dust.
