I squeeked through to Thursday working, but knew I couldn't manage to work yesterday so I took the day off. I slept nearly around the clock and feel much, much better today. Not well, but better. I need to get dressed and move around and so something I suppose, but I don't want to. The rest of the family knows I've been sick, sick, sick, but no one has offered to help with Betty. I appear to be "on my own" even when I really need someone taking care of me. It irks me. Jenny and Eric will make the big sacrifice of taking Betty for an outing tomorrow. I should be grateful I guess, but I feel resentful. Kari did at least go shopping for groceries and cleaned up the kitchen. That's something I suppose. Somehow I want to NOT feel so trapped by this "job." I want to make it a gift and be gracious about it. I resent it sometimes though. It's just so ASSUMED that I will take care of her.

I want to go over to the condo, but that requires too much energy. I want to go to a store or just looking at home shops, but once again, that requires a shower and movement. I'm still weak. And a little depressed I think. I want to go somewhere warm and exotic and gosh but it would be nice to have a sweetie to share my time with, though he'd probably just scrach himself, burp and wonder when I was going to get him dinner -- so maybe I'm just as well left to myself.

Lots of new migrating birds dropping by the birdfeeder. It's fun to watch them. I figure I will feed them through the winter and then they will be on their own for spring and summer. I hope none will be damaged by my move. I care about them so. I want to have a feeder at the new place, but have been discouraged already from feeding sunflower seeds because they "make such a mess."

I feel like I should be up packing, moving, pushing things about and into boxes. I don't want to yet. I'm bringing boxes home, but I'm just not up to packing presently. Or I don't want to or something. I'm not sure what's going on with that. I wish someone would call me with an appt. for the closing so I felt it was real. I wish I had a key and could just go into the condo. I got some paint samples to see if I can match what is on the wall in an attempt NOT to paint the whole place, but just match what is there and paint over the spackled spots. Don't know if that is practical or possible, but I don't want to paint just now. I do want to put wallpaper up in the bathroom ASAP. The color in there HAS to go. That's probably one of my first projects. I've looked at lots of lighting and nothing has really struck me as "THE ONE" to get. I must be ill to experience such ambivilance!!!

I wish I could just magically move tonight. To wake up in my bed in that location instead of here. Reality is not so kind.

I'm whining. I should stop.

OK the ear infection that I thought was coming on Thursday and Friday, really turned out to be the flu. I'm laying here alternating between chills and being too hot. I'm coughing like a mad woman. Everytime I cough I pee a bit. It makes me crazy. I've got pads on the bed, on me and am working my poor anemic sphincters overtime and I'm failing miserably. Tomorrow I'll probably try to go to school and spread this crud around, but I don't want to take a day off. It's too hard to do that. Lord but the body feels pretty cruddy tonight. Romeo has been pretty mean these last few days. I wonder if cats can get the flu? I know people can give pets their crud, but that it's nearly impossible for pets to give crud to their ownders (except in a few unusual cases). I'd be pretty cranky too if my owner gave me the flu. I'm resting, hydrating, yacking, and alternatively having chills while my butt is on a heating pad, and throwing off all the covers when I'm having flashes of heat. Misery. Blaugh.